A Baby is a Miracle

This little tiny baby

Was sent from God above

To fill our hearts with happiness

And touch our lives with love

He must have known

We'd give our all

And always do our best

To give our precious baby life

And be grateful and so blessed.

Not that I think I should have to clarify, but, I feel I need to.
Yesterday, I posted a long blog about feeling a little disheartened and upset after an appointment with Blake's developmental pediatrician. We have since been sent messages with prayers and much love!! Which we gladly accept and appreciate! However, I have also received a multitude of messages from people apologizing and telling me not to be depressed, but to focus on Blake's health and progress thus far. I feel like there might be a slight misunderstanding from my blog yesterday. I was not depressed, or in any way disappointed with Blake at all- I am thrilled with the progress he has made in the short 5 1/2 months he has been our lil' man!! He inspires me everyday!! What I was upset about, was people who count him out before even knowing his whole story. People who count him out based on scans and test!!! My son is more than a result, and we don't let a scan or test be an indicator of what he is capable of doing!! If we did live off of what scans and test say, then 4 months ago our son would be in heaven with his baby brother Conor! We have been told the worst about our son before, we have been told he would never get off the ventilator, he would never breath without the support of a machine, we were told it was likely he would never eat, and there was always the possibility we might never actually make it home....but we have always put Blake's life in the Lords hands, and he has never done us wrong!!

Blake got of the breathing machine shortly after we were told he wouldn't!

Blake started eating by bottle shortly after we were told he wouldn't!!

Blake came home, after we were sure we might never get too!!!

Our son is a miracle! And we thank the Lord every day for him!!

When I state I wish for normalcy, I am not wishing for my son to be different. I am not wishing for a different life even, for a different outcome. All I meant was that as a parent, we only wish for the best for our children, so when I see my child crying because he had to have more labs drawn, or he has tears streaming down his face from stretching exercises it breaks my heart, and YES I wish for a normal childhood for him! A normal life, without the pain or discomfort that he has to go through!! But I never wish my life was different and I definitely do not wish that Blake was different!!

I wouldn't change anything about my lil' man!! His smile melts my heart, his blonde hair makes me smile, his bright blue eyes make me beam, and his personality makes me giggle! He is amazing, so full of life, so full of joy! There have been no diagnosis made for Blake, all we have been told is what could happen with all that he has been through. What could happen...the worst case scenarios...but its like heading down a dark tunnel without a flashlight. We don't know if there is a tree ahead we might run smack dab into, or if the tunnel is clear of clutter, an easy path....we just don't know! And I think that was where my frustration was yesterday, the unknown is often hard to swallow.

We all want answers, we all what knowledge...so when there is only guessing our minds can sometimes go crazy just thinking of the "what ifs"!

I just felt like I should clarify, as so many people have messaged me today worried about me!

The fact is, that sometimes life is difficult, and sometimes it down right stinks. 6 months ago I was pregnant, we were suppose to have two healthy baby boys! Two boys dressed in matching outfits, two boys playing side by side- how quickly life changes in such a short amount of time!

Zach and I have been thrown a curve ball in life, and while we struggle sometimes with the loss of Conor and the hardships that may face Blake, we also rejoice. We rejoice in knowing that God has this in his hands, that we are growing because of this experience. We will not be negative, we will not blame anyone, we will continue to believe that God has a plan for Blake (and for Zach and I as well!) That one day we will look back and see how this all turned out and how we grew and learned from it! I've quoted this scripture before, and I will quote it again as I find it relevant today...

Zechariah 9:12 speaks of how easy it is to give up, to say I'm done, to be disheartened to get discouraged. But God asks us to stay a prisoner of hope, to continue to believe in the Lord, because he will bless you for your steadfast faith and perseverance and believe that the best is yet to come!

" Come back to the place of safety, all you prisoners who still have hope! I promise this very day that I will repay two blessings for each of your troubles."

Blake before therapy today.