Sometimes the answer is "no"

Life as preemie parents. It's a life full of ups, downs, tears, and smiles. Zach and I didn't get the average "take home baby" or "babies" in our case. The day our babies were brought into this world 16 weeks early, was the day we officially crossed into uncharted territory. The hardest thing to cope with was learning to accept that some of our prayers weren't going unanswered, but rather God was answering NO. 

I asked God to stop my contractions- he said no.

I asked God to let Conor live- he said no. 

I ask God to prevent Blake from any complications from premature birth- he said no.

I asked God to heal Blake where he would not need surgery- he said no...5 times. 

There have been many no's along this journey and at times I throw my hands up, tear stricken, and heart broken and ask WHY?!

Why bless us with twins if you were going to take one of my boys away?

Why have Blake have to have 5 surgeries?

Why us? What did we do? 

It is in these heart breaking times it brings comfort to know that he has a plan, he has a reason...but it is not always for me to understand. What I do understand is that for all the hard no's along the way- it has made me cherish the yes's I have had...

Please Lord let me have a baby- he said yes x2.

Please Lord stop my labor (at 23 weeks- when both boys were told they wouldn't make it)- he said yes. 

Please Lord do not take Blake too- he said YES!

Please Lord bring Blake back to us after surgery- he said yes x5!

Please Lord give Zach and I strength to face these hardships- he said yes.

I have learned that through our no's and our yes's we to have been given lessons in life some people may never get or understand. 

We learned to cherish and appreciate what we have and celebrate the little things. 

We learned that as "only a broken heart can ever hold true love in its fullness."

We learned that we are much stronger than we ever gave ourselves credit, and 

We learned that there is life on the other side of heartbreak.

So today we cherish and appreciate what we have been given. We have been given two boys in life- one to watch down and protect us from up above, and one to stay with us to remind us that miracles do happen! 

Blake today proves that over and over. 

Blake was taken off the breathing machine this morning and tolerating it like a champ!! 

He has been a bit fussy today due to his throat hurting from the swelling and the tube being there for almost two weeks....so mommy and daddy took that opportunity to cuddle and calm him by holding him all day! 

love

Is that a ninja turtle?

Nope...its Blake!

2 Weeks is a long time not holding...

So we were a little overjoyed!!

Even Nurse Lauren got in on the holding action!

Blake's belly incision was looked at today by Riley's wound care team and they were SO impressed, the wound has almost completely closed- so they stopped the wet to dry dressings and changed the dressing to just a mepilex (kind of like a band-aid) to prevent infection! The doctors also upped Blakes feedings- OH WAIT...did I mention he is getting fed!! Yesterday they started Blake on continous feeds of breastmilk at 2ml an hour and he tolerated them so well they upped him to 4ml an hour!! To top of the day with his belly too he had his first real REAL poopy diaper! Yay for POOP! 

Today has been a day of overwhelming goodness! Everything has been great and Blake is doing so well! He even got to swing in a baby swing for the first time today! He loved it! 

We just want to take a moment in this blog to thank everyone for showing us such support! This has truly been a journey for sure. We still have bad days, but we try to find the good in each day. People have astounded us with how much they truly care and support us! We have been showed many times through this experience too how good people truly are! We love receiving all of your letters of support- Zach and I both get very excited when we get a phone call from the front desk telling us we have mail... its like christmas or birthday cards- they just make you SMILE!! We want to thank everyone how was involved with or went to the Benefit concert last month for Blake- we wished we could be there but just facetiming on our phones and seeing our friends and family and even some strangers there to support us was so humbling and amazing! Also thanks to anyone who has or in the future donates to Blake or the March of Dimes in memory of Conor. We also wanted to thank Matt Gibson, from Henderson. Matt contacted us the other day here at the Ronald Mcdonald. We had never met Matt, even though after talking to him we found out we live right down the street from one another. He shared his story with us. He to had a preemie- his child is now 18 years old and thriving! He runs the terror on the trail during October and always chooses one family to dedicate the trail after and some of the proceeds are then donated to that family. This year he has asked us if we would allow them to do the trail in Blake's honor...

We were very overwhelmed and taken aback by this! Of course we said yes, and are so honored and just down right touched that he would offer! We are hoping to be in town by then, but anyone who would like to get in contact with Matt for info or to volenteer please do so at terroronthetrail@yahoo.com. We can not express to everyone how much yall all mean to us, and how this experience has truly changed our lives. We just hope one day we can return all these favors and help others too. 

Now a glance at the different hats of Blake Alan Hargis.... 

(we have a slight obsession with hats- and now since his brain surgery we have gone a little hat crazy...)

R2D2

Mario

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 

Cute Jungle Animals

Hiding underneath it all... 

Teddy Bears on my hat, my outfit and cuddling beside me! 

 Looking cool..

Monkey Man!

 Blue is my favorite color!

 My salior hat (can't tell but there are anchors on the hat!

 OF COURSE....GO CATS! (training him young!)

And...elephant man!!

Thanks for reading and checking out the hats...we are working on getting more!