I dream of you often.
I speak to you daily.
I love you always.
July 29th, 2012.
The day our boys were meant to enter into our life. Baby showers over, nursery ready, take home outfits picked out, our hospital bag ready. We were suppose to go in, have two beautiful baby boys, family surrounded crying of joy and happiness, smiles filling the room!
A dream...a happy day!!
Instead, three and half months ago, we went to the hospital.
No baby showers yet.
The nursery walls covered with 5 different shades of blue painted in lines waiting for a decision. Two cribs sat, a changing table and 2 swings, but still the room sat incomplete.
No outfits picked out.
No hospital bag packed.
Two babies were born, family surrounded us happy and smiling but with fear and thoughts racing through our minds...
"too early...it's too early."
Tears, mourning, and heartbreak followed, balanced with hope, continued fear and fight!!
We fight everyday along side Blake, knowing how quickly life changes, how quickly you can lose something or in our case SOMEONE you love. One second everything is fine, and the next you are saying your last goodbye. How quickly your life can be flipped upside down!
Today is a hard day.
Here is a list of the feelings we have gone through today.
Do you know how bi-polar we feel!?!
We are called strong, and inspirational....
but we are just two parents SO in love with their children!
We had a celebration today. A "birth" day party. Grandparents joined in on the festivities, as did the nurses. We had a banner, a birthday outfit, and treats! We were minus one guest- but his presence was felt all day!!
Conor James Hargis, our baby "B", Blake's twin baby brother, our angel, you are so missed our hearts aches, we long to know your smile, your smell, how we wish you were here to celebrate your "birth" day too!! We long for your beautiful perfect face, your tiny fingers and toes, we wish we could kiss you, hold you, and love on you everyday!! We miss you, we thank you for watching over us, and we love you so much!!
Our Fighter, our lil' miracle, Blake Alan Hargis, we have never been so proud, so in awe of someone, but you son are truly the most inspirational, most perfect, little boy! You have captured the hearts of so many, and you have stolen ours! Until you and your brother were born we never knew that love like this existed!
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
Blake's "birth"day outfit!!
Little bit of milk...
Full after his bottle!
Oh....so tired!! Shouldn't drink so much bud!!!
Note the cowboy boots!!
He didn't like it at first...
Still not sure....
Do kisses make you happier?
"this is SO embarrassing!"