Sunday, June 3, 2012


May 16, 2012 7:32 PM
6 weeks in the hospital.5 weeks since the boys were born. 4 weeks 6 days since Conor passed away. 4 weeks from when we were told Blake wouldn't make it through the night. 4 weeks 4 days since Blake showed us he wasn't giving up and teaching us we shouldn't either and that he was a FIGHTER.  3 weeks 6 days since Zach and I watched helplessly as they loaded our son up after we got to hold him for the first time to be lifeflighted to Indy. 3 weeks 6 days and 10 hours since Blake made it through his first surgical procedure. 2 weeks and 2 days since Blake had his first emergent surgery. 1 week and 2 days ago when Blake's belly looked better than any surgeon had predicted. 6 days ago since Blake turned 1 month old. 1 day since the doctor looked at Zach and I and asked us for the umptenth time "are you still sure you want everything done for your son?" Our answer: I think we will let Blake tell us when he is done. Only he can tell us when he is done fighting..and I dont know if you know...but our son is one of the strongest person I know. I have never met someone that would teach me so much about life, let alone be a little over 2 lbs. Today I found myself looking, searching for something, something to help me from spiraling down a lonely hole of grief. I have been fighting with an overwhelming feeling of homesickness, mourning, and sadness since that doctor asked me such a simple question. Such a simple question makes you question Am I doing the right thing? Am I making the right choices for my child? And then I came across this scripture...
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. 
It was with this I looked into my beautiful baby's incubator, and he opened his eyes and stretched out his super long Hargis arms, and hands and yawned. Looking right at me, with those BIG BEAUTIFUL eyes I knew. He is a fighter, stronger than you and me put together. He will prosper, he will grow and I have HOPE he has a future. A very bright future. 
Today Blake has gotten an increase in his feedings because he is tolerating them SO well. He has met his first weight goal of reaching 2 lbs. He now is 2 lbs 2 oz! His lungs are still stiff, and he continues to struggle with a collapsing lung and he is requiring higher ventilator settings, however he does remain on very low oxygen. (21-30% which is great!) I ask that if you read this please pray for his lungs and breathing to improve- this is our struggle at the moment. On the up sides though his belly is improving so well, and as far as his brain bleed he continues everyday to wiggle and move all his limbs, he reacts to daddy's voice turning his head and looking straight in the direction his daddy is! Our little boy is so strong its amazing he came from Zach and I. I praise the Lord everyday that I get to spend my days with him. Such a precious gift!! Keep up the prayers- today is a good day and we feel all the support all the way here in INDY!  

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